I remember dreaming. Dreaming of what I would look like, act like, what my house would be like when I reached certain ages. I can recall saying I would be married and have as many children as the Lord permitted. I would be well established in a well to do home (nothing too fancy). At least one car for the each of us (my husband and I). I would be successful and comfortable.
I remember having it all together and all down as if I could do everything perfectly. And as I grew I made plenty of mistakes. Mistakes that would keep my up late at night unable to sleep. Unable to allow my mind to rest. This would extend into my day, I wouldn’t be able to function because I was constantly thinking about what I COULD have done, or SHOULD have done, or how STUPID I was for making this decision or that decision.
All the while contemplating, staying in the same situation(s) day in and day out. Nothing changing.
Stagnant. Unmoved. Still.
Praying and hoping for Change, yet I changed not.
Finally I came to the conclusion that I will no longer regret decisions that I’ve made in the past, even if the past was 5 minutes ago.
( I am not referring to repentance. I am speaking on things that i have done wrong that may or may not be a sin, and if it were I have repented turned away, and moved on. However, I would still self condemn myself for those things)
I made a decision to not allow myself to dwell on past actions. I realized the value of allowing myself to abide in God. To seek God in his guidance and direction. This way not leaning on my knowledge and understanding but the Lords. For we know that the ways of the Lord are perfect. Therefore if I lean on him and seek his face, when he leads I CAN’T GO wrong , thus, there’s never anything to regret.
I will never stop trying to improve, and grow, mature and get better. I will always strive to become the person that God created me to be. And yes it will take time and I will press. I won’t give up. And I pray that God’s perfect work be manifest in me.
I you are encouraged and blessed to continue to trust and seek God, not be discouraged. And to not give up.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
1 Corinthians 10:13
1 John 1:9